New Year's Eve 2008

Winter

So, in the new year's eve Tod let me to the click five' concert music. He knew that I'm their biggest fan. But we just one hour there. Tod said that he had surprise for me. I was disappointed but I couldn't refuse him.

He let me to the his friend's rooftop. And guess what did he served for me there?
A table 'n two chairs n lampions around them. He knew how to made me impressed. Finally my disappointed gone away.

We were dinner although just a peperoni pizza 'n a coke. Tod said that he loved me so much n I said that I loved him too.

Right 00.00 o'clock the fireworks all the town flamed, made the romantic atmosphere to go up. He took my hand 'n smiled.

After that, he asked me dance but I thought how? There was no music but then suddenly he gave his left ipod's headset 'n wore it to my ear. A soft melody brought us to a pretty dance.
"Happy new year, darlene",he whispered to me. 

I wouldn't forget what he said in all of my life. Once again, he worked out made me impressed.

We stoped dance 'n toke a break. We sat in the edge of apartment to saw the town under our feet. I leant to his shoulder. Started to talk 'bout everythings that he didn't know from myself.
Tod didn't want to lost from me. He told me the other side of him that I've never known before. We enjoyed to talk till we weren't aware that an orange line in the sky ready for appear as the first sun in a new year.

" It's so beautiful", I said
" Ya..have you remember when you came here for the first time?"
" I've never forget that! How they tried to touched me. It was terrible."
" You looked so angry"
" Of course. They like didn't have an attitude, sir."
" As new comer, you are bad."
" Yeah I know but I just kept myself 'n my eastern side."
" Sure..your eastern side..but they have weatern side babe..."
I hit his chest softly. He smiled.
" And then I came as a hero."he said proudly
" Not Tod. You came as my life guard. You came 'n took me keep away from them."
" Why you didn't angry when I was holding your hand? It means that I touched you."
" I don't know. I felt that I trust you."
" How if your feeling was wrong?"
" But it's not. And I always know that."
He smiled. The sweetest smile which showed his dimple.

Tod take me to my dorm with his brown van. He said good bye after touched my lips with his lips , and made an appointment would meet me at lunch time.

*to be continued*

smile and arise!

If you feel so much pain there and I don't know how much deeper it is

I can only pray to God
not for injuring it but to cover it
I will pray to God and

said thank you because you got what you've done wrong 

it was your consequences
I knew it sound bad .. 

but I want you to learn to be a better person.
Who can appreciate people around you....

Smile, and arise!

What I've got on My Mind

Remember when I saw your face,

On those autumn with the space,
I saw your smile,
then I realized you'll make my day perfect.

You said Hi !
Im waving hand in the distant,
Hoping you'll see me in different way.

You said, let's make us regard as friend!
Keep d0in' something even miles miles away.
Everything goods seems beautiful,
dancing on the screen share many things.

At once, in the silence evening,
summer at your place got rain in my side,
told the jokes like we armed in armed t0gether.

We broke the limit.

N0ne care bout the damn time z0ne.
We had these !
And see ! You made my day perfect.
Until...
At least, you have ever made it perfect.

Remenber Me

When u feelin' that winds blowin ur hairs..

that's me..,

When u feelin that winds running faster..

maybe I'm Mad.., 

When u feelin that winds go away..

maybe I'm sad.., 

When u smiling arrounds the winds..

I'm the one who watch u between the leafs.., 

I'm touchin u with this winds.., 

Remember me as me..

as winds..

coz I'm Windy n u r not dust.

Always My Skies

On my way for buying dinner. We've never expected that sky has a beautiful surprise on my head. We've just to be more sensitive with around us, on top, behind, between, even under our feet. ^_^

On the bus when on my way from my hometown with some friends....

NONE

None will love me when I'm crying..

None will love me when I'm smiling or even laughing...

None will love me when I'm walking...

None will love me when I'm talking..

None will love me just the way I am..

Stupid thing when thinking someone will love me just the way I am...

Someone will love me when I'm crying, smiling, laughing, walking, talking..

None will love because NONE WILL...

Konyol tapi Mengaggumkan

So, I found this feeling and it's great and it's so clear and it's so bright ... pokonya sangat melegakan. 

Yah.. akhirnya setelah merasa bahwa aq ga sanggup ga bicara, ga ngobrol, chatting taw apaun itu namanya ternyata salah besarrrrrrrrrrrr...haha

Couple days ago when I saw his light green there was something that pulled me to talk to him. Because I thought that I missed him and it was not wrong to back talk to him again and started from first but before that I was in a condition "should I? or shouldn't I?"-dilemma tingkat tinggi antara gengsi dan keinginan untuk mengobrol. You can think what happen next because it's obviously clear that I kicked away that stupid feelings and started talk "Hi" to him.....

God Damn! My heart was totally jumping that time, it was closely on the floor when he back said "heyy". Then I said "wassup?" then he answered then he asked me back then I lost my feeling to talk with him anymore.. Suddenly bored. Sssumpah ga taw apa yang mesti di omongin lagi..padahal kan awalnya keukeuh nih si aq ga bisa ga ngobrol ama dia tapi buktinya setelah itu ..emang ga ada hal yang patut di obrolin. Apa coba..tiba-tiba sekarang pendapat itu lenyap dan sekarang nih ga ada keinginan besar wat ngobrol sama dia lagi. 

Emang konyol sih..nggak nyangka malah jadinya kayak gini. Ini tuh mengaggumkan karena emang jadi plong dan jadi ga perlu takut lagi wat -omigod- dia lupa sama aq. 

legggaaaaaa bangettt....

leggaaa....

Satu hal yang aq dapet dari kejadian ini adalah rasa takut untuk mencoba emang sulit buat di ilangin tapi kalo kita emang punya niat yang kuat kita bakal ga takut untuk mencoba apapun hasilnya nanti dan yang aq lakukan selama ini hanya takut untuk bicara ngomong padahal itu ga sulit sama sekali. 

Hell yeah..!!!konyol tapi mengaggumkan.

16 Oktober 2011

October 16th

I know what you thinking...yep! These flowers are so pretty like her..
But today was not pretty as well,,
Felt like thousand thunder in the daylight when she said with her beautiful smile that her boy came back to her, said much apologize with the pretty song that couldn't she ignored because she knew and I realized that she loved him more than her and I know....
DAMN!! not my day. And you are not my lady.
PHEW!!
I just let these pretty flowers hide behind my back until she took her step like a happy dancing swan left me, then I drop them.

I felt so..I don't know how to explain it.....but it's a bit hurt.

Lonely

The words I’m saying right now, I don’t know if they’ll hurt you
They’ll probably make you hate me forever
You, saying that I’m not the same as I used to be, is not completely untrue
This changed me is a stranger to myself as well
You are so kind but
That’s the way you are but oh
I don’t know I don’t know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you’re here now but oh
I don’t know
I want to find myself now

Baby I’m sorry, even when I’m with you, I’m Lonely
I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am
I’m sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I’m by your side
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m the strange one
It seems I’ve already been prepared long ago, for our breakup
I really wanted to treat you well, out of all the times, why is it when I’m confronted by love
I am shrinking away & am lonely endlessly
You are so kind but
That’s the way you are but oh
I don’t know I don’t know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you’re here now but oh
I don’t know
I want to find myself now

Baby I’m sorry, even when I’m with you, I’m Lonely
I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am
I’m sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I’m by your side
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

Cuz I’m just another girl
This night is lonely, I
Can’t take any more, Good bye
Cuz I’m just another girl
I’m so lonely
Even though I’m by your side right now

Hari ini baru dapet terjemahan lagunya 2ne1 - Lonely...

I do love it, mostly it shows what happened between me and him even he's not my boy but he's a good friend, and it sucks when realized I'm lonely without him.

15 Oktober 2011

15 Oktober 2011

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winters night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

I love this girl, a girl who can break any rules of my life about our friendship. A girl who ran trough into my heart without knocked before. I know it's wrong because we committed just to be friend but my feeling has grown stronger. 

Yesterday she came to my house with tears on her face. She said about her boy but I just heard them like blah..blah...blah because the only thing that I care was not him but her. I just really want to said to you to kicked him out of your life because he didn't deserve for you but I knew I didn't do it coz I was keeping your heart that maybe you urghh.. still had his name in your head. 

5 minutes ago she was here, was sitting next tome. I made her laugh, I made her know that world was beautiful...always although something bad happen. I really want to hug her not friendly hug...but full hug. Then her smiled before left, made some moving lips for our lunch tomorrow. 

Maybe I will give her roses or any beautiful flowers. Maybe something that will make her forget him..ah, never so excited like this. 

Just wait what happen next..

Aku akan belajar dari itu semua

Bukannya memang sudah jelas bahwa dari awal aku dan kau adalah pribadi yang berbeda. banyak sekali perbedaan yang kami miliki, dari warna kulit-ah aku tak mau terlalu di bilang rasis, hobi, agama, tempat, dan yang jelas semua perbedaan itu seperti lubang besar yang tak bisa kau dan aku tutupi. Aku masih ingat saat kau bilang kalau kau mencintai gunung daripada pantai dan lautan, itu berbanding terbalik denganku. Bagaimana kau bilang lebih baik kita bertukar tempat karena yang kau lihat di sekelilingmu hanyalah hamparan air biru dengan deburan ombak. Aku berpikr, kau tahu itu artinya kita tak akan pernah bertemu. Karena saat kau berada di hamparan lembah hijau dan pegunungan mungkin aku berada di air laut. Itu sedikit mengecewakan bagaimana tadinya aku berharap kita bisa bertemu dalam suatu keadaan kau akan melihatku, benar-benar melihatku. Keadaan dimana mungkin kau akan mendengar semua omong kosong apa yang aku pikirkan tentang dirimu. Keadaan dimana kau benar-benar terlalu dekat untuk di sentuh. Tapi semuanya pupus.

Aku ingat di hari itu negara matahari terbit di guncang gempa dan tsunami, dan aku sangat senang saat kau bilang kau benar-benar mengkhawatirkanku walau mungkin kau tahu negara itu lumayan jauh dari tempatku berada.

Aku benar-benar menyukai bagaimana cara yang tak terlihat itu telah menarikku pada suatu keadaan bahwa aku benar-benar tak bisa lepas dari tak satu haripun tak bicara padamu. Obrolan-obrolan aneh dan pertanyaan-pertanyaan konyol, semunya menyenangkan dan aku merindukannya.

Aku benci karena sekarang kita tak pernah bicara lagi, karena sebuah perbedaan yang tak bisa kita tutupi. Tentang bagaimana kau menguraikan semua ketidakjujuran dan aku keluar batas dari yang pernah kubayangkan. Kau pembohong kecil dan aku hanya si miss ingintahuterlalubanyak.

Aku benci karena tak bisa melupakan apa yang telah terjadi. Karena sesuatu yang telah terlihat itu membuatnya menjadi magnet tolol yang terus menarik pikiranku tentang dirimu.

Waktu memang tak bisa terulang dan keadaan takkan pernah bisa diperbaiki lagi.

tapi

Aku akan belajar dari itu semua.

Hanya Lagi-Lagi......

Entah sudah berapa kali merasakan hal seperti ini. Kau tahu, di drama korea mereka menyebutnya cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan-thinking- di Indonesia jug dodol!! ga  beda. Yah.. yang saya tahu saya mencintai seseorang tapi orang itu tak membalas apa yang kita rasakan. miris memang. Lalu berpikir__ehm..berpikir__sudah dua puluh tahun dan selama itu pula rasa miris itu terjadi berulang-ulang.

please jangan nangisin keadaan saya..percaya deh.. GAK APA-APA.

hahaha...tapi ga setenang itu juga si..yah saya kan uda bukan abg lagi.

Tapi saya takut..terlalu takut jika saya memulai lagi untuk yang baru tapi yang akan terjadi hanya hal miris lagi bagaimana?

bagaimana?

tapi mereka-ga tau siapa- selalu bilang untuk tidak pernah takut mencoba bahkan untuk urusan hati..

benar?

apa benar?

lalu mereka-entah siapa- juga bilang, jodoh kan enggak kemana ya....

tapi kalo emang bukan jodoh tapi inginnya dia jodoh saya bagaimana?

bagaimana?

egois??

haha..ya sudah..sukur ada yang mau baca dan komentar dan sukur kalo ada yang mau jawab semua tanda tanya saya...

:p

my another sky

just my stupidity....

Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you?

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you. I daydream about you all the time, replaying pieces of our conversation; laughing at funny things that you said. I've memorized your face. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure; you're the best thing that has ever happened to me....*yucks*

I always distance myself when people become emotionally close to me. Maybe it's because I know in the end they'll end up leaving. They always do.

Do you miss him at the most happy and fulfilling times of your life? Just because you miss him when the world is quiet and you feel alone, doesn't mean you love him. You will miss anyone when you’re lonely. It’s when your life is going great and you still feel that ache in your heart because he isn’t there to see the genuine smile on your face and happiness in your life. (this applies to me..|: )

so, it doesn't matter Im single or not...as long as I can stand in my own feet :D

just say...

Im feelin so mad tonite...
I don't wanna confess that it was kind of envy..but I couldn't even understand...

Im thinking  that Im mad bcoz you made some friendship with some mines..I didnt know how it happen..but Im too irritated that I have to say I don't wanna you go from me.., they have that what I don't, they talkative, so friendly, n Im afraid you turn away from me and find the real fun with them..
how stupid Iam..!!!

how could I think that... you have your freedom..of course..
then why you always be my reason to open my mobile and lookin for your name..??
It's silly, oke...

but one think that make me realized,that you have your world and I have my own..I don't wanna spread it larger
I'll keep it save...

just wanna say.. thanks to God for everythings..everythings..
even not that person...

my confession

malam ini hujan turun....
tak ada yang kuingat bahkan dari dia yang sudah tenang disana...
malam ini terlalu penant oleh makan malam yang selalu sedap dan beberapa pikiran lainnya yang ku anggap bodoh.., dia dan dunianya, aku dan duniaku...dunia kami yang berbeda yang hanya terhubung oleh kabel-kabel tak beraturan yang tak kutahu hitungannya...lewati saja dia!!!tak penting!

aku tau bahwa kebanyakan orang di dunia ini akan menangis saat orang terdekat mereka mati, tapi tak begitu padaku, khusunya pada kematian kakekku.. aku masih ingat saat itu di pagi buta kakakku menelepon dan mengabarkan kalau kakek meninggal, yah, aku memang terkejut hanya sesaat tapi aku malah melanjutkan tidurku dan lebih memilih menuggu sang mentari muncul tanpa menangis.

lalu aku pulang ... jenazah kakekku sudah tak bisa kulihat lagi , karena kurasa yah..aku memang terlambat.. aku melihat ibuku, matanya sembab,,dia pasti menangis. pasti. lalu dia mengusap-usap punggungku takut aku terluka atas kepergian kakekku. tapi dalam hati, aku sungguh tidak apa-apa....
seminggu rasanya aku mendengar orang-orang mengaji di rumah sampai akhirnya aku kembali ke kehidupan kuliahku dan aku belum menangis atas kepergiannya.

kau tau kenapa??aku terlalu benci dia... dia yang telah membuat hari-hari ibuku penuh tangis. membuat keluarga kami jatuh miskin dengan segala kelakuannya yang konyol dan satu..yah wanita jalang itu yang umurnya saja lebih muda dari ibuku yang dinikahi kakek entah mungkin hanya karena nafsu belaka!!! telah menguras harta kami.... dan kakekku mulai menjual apa yang dia punya untuk kebutuhan hidupnya sendiri termasuk mulai membebani ibuku dengan meminta ini itu darinya.

kenangan indah yang kami sepertinya punya tak bisa menutupi rasa kesalku padanya...

tapi aku tetap memanjatkan doa untukmu sehabis shalat...atas setitik rasa bahagia dan kenangan yang kita punya. saat aku TK, pasar malam, martabak, dan senyum yang kau berikan...

lalu aku menangis....

SATNITE AT WARKOP ;D

Satnite at coffee shop..!!!!walau asli kurang lama tapi cukup menyenangkan, yah paling nggak kan kita bisa isi malming kali ini dengan jalan" keluar…:D

Sounds that we are nerd that never known the nite world, mostly kita emang paling suka ngerem di kamar kosan belajar sok nerd..hahaha, padahl sih Cuma gara-gara ga ada kendaraan aja,,our public transportation Cuma beroperasi sampe jam setengah delapan aja…,!bayangin donk..telat dikit aja kita terpaksa harus jalan kaki pulang ke kosan atau keluar banyak duit wat bayar becak..iirrrgghh…, jadi kita Cuma bisa keluar sore"..itu juga kalo salah satu dari kita g ada yg sbuk kuliah neh…mpe menjelang maghrib..xixixi

Aslinya 2 sobatku yg cantik" n narsiss abis ini ga tlalu doyan kopi, keliatan aja…kopi mereka berdua yang paling manissss,, padahal kan kita kan uda manis jadi ga perlu yang terlalu maniss, haha *iklan banget*

Pas pulang si punya rencana wat jali" lagi ke tempat baru yang ga kalah serruuu…, ga taw sih kapan..hehe

But I hope that our next destination , ga kalah heboh dari kongkow di coffee shop ini,,,hehe

Jadi ga sabarrrr… ^_^

my vanilla twilight

have you ever looked at the sky in the summer afternoon and suddenly found a beautiful set on it??
I did!!! I found it in my way to somewhere, I was feelin' so excited that I could see the beautiful sky everrrr, more than thousand stars in the night sky I think...!!
mostly you just let it pass by and keep goin'..but try to look sky on your head sometimes.. you never realized what will you find..^^,

langit memang selalu punya cerita untukku, entah itu kemarin, hari ini atau esok..

I don't know how

Im just tryin to make somethin on paint...
ga nyangka jadi'a malah kaya gini...pdahal cuma bkin gris",kotak", apalh...pko'a lg ngaco...tpa jd'a mlah ta-daaaaaaaaa ....

My Besties

here we are... 

Iv never known what is friendship until they come to my life, we share, laugh, hate, problems, and the other things bout friendship inside...
Im the lucky one because I have them..
cachut,uwie,Al ..
we are not just 4..we are 7, but I don't how ..communication separated us..we tals about a lot of things except love and boys, we'v never hate boys..really but I think it's more fun than that :D